my being single is dangerous.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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