Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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