theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
