Little spoons don't ask big questions
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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