what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
