I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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