I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
