I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
