uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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