please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
