the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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