put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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