An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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