what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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