You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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