entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
