I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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