i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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