i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
