what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
