apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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