maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
