If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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