I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is Oprah even human
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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