No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
