I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
