i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
