On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
