there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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