I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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