I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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