what day is it and did you see me today?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
