airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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