toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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