dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
