I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
