yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
