You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
