Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
