ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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