If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
