Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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