i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
