My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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