Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
