My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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