Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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