WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
