Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
