ya dads aren't the best wingmen
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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