Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
