Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize