Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
