How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
