Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
