2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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