Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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