stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
