it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
