Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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