So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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