You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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