At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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