You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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