I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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