I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
are you so shy because you have an std?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
