So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
