took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
