just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
