I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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