This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
